Long Distance Relationships: Pt. 1

I have lots of experience with long distance relationships (LDRs). They are not something I would wish on my worst enemy. But, even so, I have willingly entered into these torture chambers of the dating world, and as such, I have a lot to say. This is part 1 – Requirements.

I think there are some key aspects that NEED to be present for any long distance relationship to be able to (heh) go the distance.

1. Trust: Obviously. This is needed for a strong relationship, no matter how far apart the two people live. But it is a lot harder to cultivate in a long distance relationship. Where usually you would get to meet your partner’s friends, coworkers, and have a general idea of what they are up to on any given day when you live in a different city this becomes a lot more difficult. You have to trust that the flirty coworker really has a serious boyfriend, the sexy friend thinks of them like a sibling and going to a movie with friends is REALLY with said friends. (This is probably the most difficult situation, because you might start questioning, is that REALLY why he wants his phone off for the next 2ish hours?)

If you are not someone who is able to accept things at face value, and needs to see for yourself the platonic relationships, a long distance relationship can quickly turn you into a ball of stress or have you channeling your inner Veronica Mars to try and uncover a million suspected affairs.

2. a) Communication: Another must for all relationships. The big focus on this one is making sure you find the time to communicate. And all those cutesy “thinking of you” texts and random funny anecdotes from your day don’t count. I’m talking making sure once a week – or once a day or hour or whatever was agreed on between you two – you set aside some time solely for each other. It is important to make sure once you have made a commitment to this communication that you keep to it, or it can be very easy to lose the trust that has been built in the relationship. After a couple missed phone calls or an apparent reluctance to commit your time, it can appear as if you are avoiding your partner, and they may start imagining many reasons for this absence – none of them good.

During this time you can share some of your disappointments of the week, some accomplishments, how you are feeling about your relationship and your plans for the future. Obviously some of this doesn’t need to be talked about each time, but reaffirming that you both want to continue the relationship regularly is extremely useful, as long distance is hard on people and realising you can not do it anymore is common.

If this happens, in my experience, it’s better to accept it when it happens instead of putting off ending it to “save the person’s feelings”. The longer it goes on the stronger feelings get, and the break will often end more bitter than if it had’ve been done immediately.

b) If you are not already sexually intimate, then this doesn’t really pertain to you. But if you have previously been intimate with your partner, it is important to keep up this intimacy. Whether you want to talk out what you’re doing and feeling on the phone or show what you want on a Skype video call, this part of relationshipship doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t be sacrificed because of distance.

3. An End: The last, and the only one exclusively for LDRs, is having an end point. Whether it is when the person is done co-op or exchange and is back at school, or its a goal to have followed your partner to their new city by such-and-such a date, it is important to have this end date. Otherwise the relationship will stagnate and eventually die a slow and painful death as neither person can see a future in the relationship.

So these are my requirements for a (possibly) successful long distance relationship. A lack of any of these, I feel, will lead to a doomed LDR. In part 2 I will talk about my LDR Pet Peeves.

Til next time,

❤ VanCityGal

Mars and Venus: Porn Preferences

I have always found that men and women prefer different types of porn. Well, when women admit to masturbating and enjoying it. (For those of you that don’t… you’re doing it wrong)

Men I’ve talked to prefer very to-the-point videos and pictures. A scantily clad (or naked) woman they can fantastize having sex with, or a video of whatever type of sex they find the biggest turn on (whether it be blowjobs, anal or vaginal in various positions).

Women seem to enjoy one of two types. Either whatever they know will make their partner hot, or something less visual (romance novels for the shy girl, erotica for something a little more explicit).

I have always figured this was just because men are more visual while women are better able to create the pictures in their mind. But considering men can get just as turned on by sexting or phone sex as a woman can, that doesn’t really seem to make sense. So I headed over to www.youporn.com to investigate.

And I have come to the conclusion the porn industry is just ignoring an untapped market. Women could enjoy porn just as much as men, IF they were able to picture themselves participating in it. Since the focus is almost exclusively on the babe getting fucked, and not on the man (you rarely see his face) it is easy for a male to insert himself into this situation. But for a female, looking at another female having sex is just awkward (unless you’re into voyeurism). If the porn industry started casting hot male porn stars and cutting the identifying features of the females out, I think the Mars vs. Venus porn preferences would disappate, or disappear all together.

Until then, I will stick to reading my stories on www.literotica.com!

Til next time,

❤ VanCityGal


Hello blogosphere!

Hi all!

My friend is currently taking a course on human sexuality and one of their assignments is to write blog posts about something that interests them each week. These have led to a great many discussions between her and I, some where we are in complete agreement, and others that end in agreeing to disagree.

Now I want to try my hand at writing my own thoughts on each matter as it crops up, and this seems to be the perfect place to do it.

Til next time,

❤ VanCityGal

Am I a bad feminist?

I have been called a bad feminist more times than I can count. Before I get into why,  I would like to take a look at the definition of feminism.

fĕm’ə-nĭz’əm: n. “Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.”
Basically, the way I see it, it’s all about men and women having equal opportunities. Both sexes being able to do what they want without fear of persecution or judgement. A man should be equally as likely to be hired at a daycare centre as a woman. A female should be paid the same as a male when she is doing the same work. Everyone should be able to follow their dreams and be equally rewarded for them.And this is why I am so tired of being called an awful feminist because of what I want for my life. I have always loved kids, I helped take care of the smaller ones at my mom’s home daycare, I volunteer for anything that allows me to interact with children, and I adored the two summers I spent working at a preschool-age daycare. It should come as no surprise then that my dream in life is to have a beautiful healthy family to raise. I would love nothing more than to be a stay at home mom, while my husband works a job to support me and my children.
It’s not that I hate working, or am lazy. I am fully prepared to work as a teacher (yes, a feminine-stereotyped career) after I am done my education. If the man I fall in love with is passionate about a career that doesn’t allow me to stay at home, I will gladly add an income to support our family and his passion. When all is said and done, though, I dream of a family that is very “traditional”.
And for some reason, wanting a traditional life is viewed at as unfeminist. As if by not aspiring to be a high-powered business woman or cutthroat lawyer I am throwing mud in the face of all the feminists that fought for equal opportunities for women.
But that’s all I’m really asking for. I want my opportunity to go for what I want. And what I want is to be a woman who stays at home with her children. I do not look down on women who want to have careers and be working moms. Or even women who don’t want children.
Feminists need to take another look at what they stand for – equality for all. Which means no judgements, no matter WHAT a person wants to do.
Til next time,
❤ VanCityGal